Warning: Scripture to Avoid on Mother’s Day

Preaching this Sunday from Mark? Good. Don't use 2 Corinthians.

Preachers and teachers: Want to honor your mothers this Mother’s Day?  Make sure you preach, teach, and recite Scripture from the  most “Mom-friendly” books of the Bible.  The more the word “mother” appears in the book, the better the book!  You should avoid “non-Mom-friendly” books of the Bible at all costs.  My simple chart, based on how many times the word “mother” appears per 1000 words in each book of the Bible (NIV version), will help you out…..

There are 4 Pastoral Levels:

  1. “Better than Billy Graham” Books of the Bible (“mother” appears at highest rate).  Billy Graham has never seen this list, so he may not have covered all these books on Mother’s Day.  Now’s your chance to shine!
    Book Hits Rate (word “mother” per 1000 words)
    Mark 18 1.04
    Matthew 28 1
    Song of Songs 3 0.98
    Proverbs 11 0.65
    Judges 13 0.63
    Luke 18 0.6
    Ephesians 2 0.55
    Hosea 3 0.52
  2. “Pastor of the Month” Books of the Bible (“mother” appears at medium rate). You’re a pretty good pastor if you use these, but you could be better.
    Book Hits Rate (word “mother” per 1000 words)
    2 Timothy 1 0.49
    1 Kings 13 0.48
    Leviticus 12 0.45
    1 Thessalonians 1 0.45
    John 9 0.39
    Genesis 17 0.38
    2 Kings 10 0.38
    Deuteronomy 11 0.35
    Ruth 1 0.34
    Esther 2 0.31
  3. “Poser-Pastor” Books of the Bible (“mother” appears at low rate). Use these books at your own risk.  You may find a nugget of motherly wisdom somewhere in one of these, but it might take you a while.
    Book Hits Rate (word “mother” per 1000 words)
    Micah 1 0.29
    Galatians 1 0.26
    1 Chronicles 5 0.21
    Ezekiel 9 0.21
    Jeremiah 9 0.19
    Romans 2 0.17
    Joshua 3 0.15
    Zechariah 1 0.15
    1 Samuel 4 0.14
    2 Chronicles 4 0.14
    2 Samuel 3 0.13
    Psalms 6 0.12
    Isaiah 5 0.12
    Hebrews 1 0.12
    Exodus 4 0.11
    Acts 3 0.11
  4. “I Thought It Was Father’s Day” Books of the Bible (“mother” appears extremely little or not at all). Please don’t preach a sermon from these books on mother’s day.  You will appear that you think it is another holiday.  The congregation will all get up halfway through and go have brunch with their families.
    Book Hits Rate (word “mother” per 1000 words)
    Revelation 1 0.07
    Job 1 0.05
    Numbers 1 0.03
    Nehemiah 0 0
    Ecclesiastes 0 0
    Lamentations 0 0
    Daniel 0 0
    Joel 0 0
    Haggai 0 0
    Malachi 0 0
    1 Corinthians 0 0
    Philippians 0 0
    2 Thessalonians 0 0
    Titus 0 0
    James 0 0
    Amos 0 0
    Obadiah 0 0
    Habbakuk 0 0
    Zephaniah 0 0
    1 Peter 0 0
    2 Peter 0 0
    1 John 0 0
    2 John 0 0
    3 John 0 0
    Philemon 0 0
    Jude 0 0
    1 Timothy 0 0
    Colossians 0 0
    2 Corinthians 0 0
    Nahum 0 0
    Ezra 0 0
    Jonah 0 0

You can thank me later for saving you on Mother’s Day, pastor.  And you can thank Accordance Bible Software for these numbers (they’re not paying me to say that).

Published by

Jesse

Jesse Joyner travels nationwide performing a comedy juggling act for family and kids events. He is also working towards his PhD in Educational Studies at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (Deerfield, IL). He enjoys playing the piano, bird watching, and old houses. He lives in Richmond, VA with his wife, Sarah, and their daughter, Kezzie.

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